I am posting a message I got today. I am not looking for an answer, so please do – আসিফ সিবগাত ভূঞা

I am posting a message I got today. I am not looking for an answer, so please do not share suggestions. I just want the readers to understand real problems people have and how much we should be aware of these personal struggles without judging them. (I took permission before posting it.)


I know in Islam we are not supposed to reveal our past sins to anyone, but since i am considering you as my counselor, I am telling you this in confidence.

The thing is that I have been in a 5 year long live in relationship with someone and last year it ended because her parents won’t agree. Now I am 32 years old and my family is pressuring for me to get married(No one else knows the live in part) and I have repented for my sins but I can’t get over her, and I am a very emotional person, I don’t see myself getting over her in near future. So hence getting married to someone else would be a disaster, I have tried to go ahead with 2 marriage proposals for the sake of Allah, hoping that, might make Allah happy and I will be able to stay away from anything haram. But those efforts didn’t work because it felt like to me I have this veil of my ex in my heart which is blocking everyone else and because of the depth of the relationship I am finding it very hard to settle my life with someone else, and tbh I still pray to Allah that somehow maybe down the years Allah will unite me with her! It’s been one year and my emotional state hasn’t changed a bit only the fact that I have accepted that it was the qadr of Allah.

Now what I want your advice on is , I have decided not to get married because I am afraid I won’t be able to do justice to the person I get married to because emotionally I am still hooked (mentally) to my ex. And as much as I know myself, it will take years if not decade, for me to get over her, I know it sounds hypocritical but all these years I did my obligatory worships and tried my best to stay connected to Allah as much as I can and now I want to dedicate the rest of my life to learning deen (for which I have enrolled in Islamic studies graduation program), working on my business and some other social projects (such as orphanage and etc.)

Now what is your advice considering all the aspects sir?

উৎস । তারিখ: 2020-07-17 22:52:49

6 thoughts on “I am posting a message I got today. I am not looking for an answer, so please do – আসিফ সিবগাত ভূঞা”

  1. Empathy. I guess that has to be the biggest quality of a “da’i” or scholar. Can completely relate to the person. What he has labeled as hypocrisy is actually remnants of sincerity. Whatever path he takes, May Allah make things easy for him. And I hope you are able to help him.

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